The TIME Approach to Grief Support (BOOK EXCERPT, PT 4)

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The Book Stop Blog is featuring excerpts from The TIME Approach to Grief Support by Edmund Ng and WinePress Publishing.

Our Modern Church Culture

God’s unique instruction to churches is “Give proper recognition to widows” (1 Tim. 5:3). The passage in Acts 6:1–7 tells us that the early church had organized leadership structures to care for widows. The wider implication, as we have seen, is that churches are expected to reach out and help bring relief to all who are grieving and suffering after the losses of loved ones.

However, our modern churches today have to a large extent neglected such a ministry of compassion, one that is at the heart of God’s character. Very few churches equip their leaders in advance by educating them in how to minister to and help such hurting and needy people in a consistent, competent, and organized manner. As a result, they often are caught unprepared and do not know how best to comfort and offer support to the family of someone who has died.

As stated earlier, when Jesus arrived at Bethany four days after Lazarus’ death and burial, many Jews were there at the house of Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother (John 11).

Today, we typically shy away from spending individual time with the bereaved family after the hustle and bustle of the funeral is over. However, it is often in the weeks, months, or even years following the death of a beloved spouse or family member that the deep pain, loneliness, and hardship sets in. This is when the family members are most in need of ministry and assistance.

The modern church culture often exhibits an attitude of unconcern and lack of commitment toward those who grieve and suffer following the death of a loved one. Bereaved Christians generally feel neglected and isolated by the body of Christ. The result is tragic! Dr. William Worden of the Harvard Medical School reported, “Earlier, people would have looked to religious leaders and religious institutions for help with their grief ... people (now) turn to the health care system and the mental health system for support and for care that previously would have come from other sources.”2

Some of the reasons why churches today are not committed to reaching out to bereaved families may be as follows:

1. We are afraid of not saying the right words. We take the easy way out and avoid saying anything at all rather than run the risk of hurting them by our insensitive or invasive words. Many people who came to us for ministry typically remarked that their pastors did visit them once or twice but soon ran out of words to say and quickly offered to pray for them. Often, the pastor felt inadequate and never came back again.
2. Churches these days are so corporatized with programs and activities for the congregation that we are not prepared for consistent and fairly long-term commitments to individuals who require our personal attention.
3. Most churches today are so focused toward celebration and triumphalism that grief and suffering are inevitably viewed as unpleasant and defeatist.
4. Some may harbor a subconscious fear of death and grieving, as if loss and grief can be contagious. Sadly, such cultural superstitions still affect the behavior of many Christians.
5. We lack teaching and training on this subject.

Seen from another perspective, we generally have no problem in obeying the first part of Romans 12:15, which says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice,” but somehow we seem to ignore what follows immediately, “... mourn with those who mourn.” Selective obedience to the Word of God is still disobedience. It is a sin of omission. James 4:17 says, “Anyone who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.”

We already have noted that the early church cared for widows according to God’s command, but due to the church’s limited resources, they had to give priority to the more needy widows. Churches today generally have much more resources, especially financially. So how much more does God expect us to reach out to help and care for widows, the fatherless, and others who are bereaved?

Nevertheless, I do believe that an awareness of our responsibility and present neglect toward those who are grieving and mourning is beginning to emerge. God is equipping individuals all over the world to restore this neglected ministry back to the churches in these last days.

Jesus would leave the ninety-nine sheep to look for the one lost sheep (Luke 15:1–7). Although the context was with respect to a lost sinner, the principle is the same. Are we prepared to leave the ninety-nine sheep on which the spotlight is shining to attend quietly to the one sheep that is needy and hurting?

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Posted by: Daniel Ioan Notar *DJ_DANY*